Ficlet: Like a Slinky Down a Stairwell (She'll Be in Her Bunk)

[viciouswishes]

Title: Like a Slinky Down a Stairwell (She'll Be in Her Bunk)
Author: viciouswishes
For: celievamp
Fandom: SG-1
Pairing: Carter/Vala
Rating: PG13
Words: 712
Request: Breaking the Mould, Vala Mal Doran
Summary: For the sg_femslash Carter round: "You don't have to act like I'm dumb. I've seen The L Word. Do you know that Teal'c owns four seasons on DVD?"

Vala's discovered the Spice Girls, and Sam blames Daniel. She doesn't know why she blames Daniel, who likes Vivaldi and Mozart, but she does. He's supposed to be the one keeping Vala under control.

Instead, Vala's telling the whole world what she really, really wants while running on a treadmill. Her hair's pulled back in a ponytail with a bright red headband slid under it. "Morning," Vala shouts over the music.

"Vala." Sam wants to work out in peace, to put some Jack Johnson on and lose herself in the rhythm of lifting weights.

"Who's your favorite?"

"Favorite what?" Sam's already got a headache that her morning coffee hasn't taken care of.

"Spice Girl. I'm a big fan of Ginger. Though Posh was pretty smart with marrying that Beckham."

Sam curses Vala's access to the internet. The military should block Google searches on the Spice Girls like they do MySpace. At least, Vala can't access MySpace. Sam sighs. "I liked Sporty."

"You would." Vala starts to run faster on the treadmill.

"What does that mean?"

"What?" Vala lifts her hand to her ear.

"I said," Sam's shouting over the obnoxious dance beat, "what does that mean? That I like Sporty?"

"Because you're a lesbian."

Sam almost drops the weight on her foot. "I'm not a lesbian."

"Sure you aren't." Vala's turned off her machine and grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat off her face. Thankfully, she also lowers the volume on the stereo. "I mean, you have the short hair. You aren't dating Mitchell or Daniel. Though if you do decide to switch teams, hands off, Daniel's mine."

Sam's headache has grown exponentially. "I've had boyfriends."

"You don't have to act like I'm dumb. I've seen The L Word. Do you know that Teal'c owns four seasons on DVD?" Vala blows a bright pink bubble. Sam wonders just who the hell chews bubble gum while working out. "Pretty hot."

"Hot?" Sam hasn't found the time for TV in over 10 years. She still doesn't know if Ross and Rachel ever got together, but destroying the Goa'uld and then the Ori seemed more important.

Vala moves closer to Sam's bench. "You know, sexy."

"What?"

"It was a lot sexier than that porno I found in Daniel's VCR."

Sam holds up her hand. She wishes for, well, anything, off-world gate activation to Ori attack would stop this conversation with Vala. But Vala's still talking and there's no loud alarm drowning her out.

"So what do you think?"

"What do I think about what?" Sam asks.

"About trying out some of those sexy things that give the ladies of The L Word lots of orgasms?"

And then when Sam doesn't respond because she's tongue-tied, Vala leans in to kiss her. Sam bends like a slinky going down a stairwell trying to get away from Vala, and she squeaks, "Cameras." Not, she doesn't squeak; she warns, in a very colonel-like manner.

Vala laughs. "You need live a little." Her fingers are wrapping themselves in Sam's short hair. "Besides, I always cover my tracks."

"That explains why-"

And then Vala kisses her again, only this time Sam's tongue pushes into Vala's mouth. Vala might've been right; Sam does like women. She hates when Vala's right. Sam groans when Vala's hands move to feel her breasts.

Vala breaks the kiss and grins at her. "You know, you're a pretty good kisser for someone with a stick up her rear end."

Even with her hands on Vala's wiggling ass, Sam's still surprised at the things that come out of her mouth. "I don't have a stick up my butt," Sam says, and when Vala giggles, Sam repeats herself and squeezes Vala's ass.

"Wanna know what I really, really want?" Vala bats her eyelashes like she's innocent. Sam has never believed for one second that Vala is innocent of anything. Sam rolls her eyes. "Guess we'll have to go over that later." She runs her hands down Sam's arms and pops her gum. "Teal'c and I are sparring in 10 minutes."

And then Vala's out of Sam's arms and collecting her things, leaving Sam horny and thinking she needs some time with her vibrator. She still doesn't like Vala, but Sam's trying not to underestimate her. Sam might be a good girl, but she's a fast learner.

Comments

[bibliotech.livejournal.com]

Love this! Love it when you write f/f :)

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's a good thing that I like the f/f. ;)

[celievamp.livejournal.com]

ah, wonderful. Thank you. (And I also liked Sporty best)

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. (Sporty always needed more love.)

[sinadino.livejournal.com]

Awe..Great! Loved it!

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[mmmchelle.livejournal.com]

Of course Teal'c has L Word DVDs and Vala's watched them. That makes perfect sense. /g/

Thank you for making me smile this morning.

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

In my head, they all have awesome lives, and Vala and Teal'c are starting their detective agency and watching bad movies on the weekend. Plus jell-o wrestling. ;)

Always glad to do so.

[lilysaid.livejournal.com]

This was great! I love Vala running to the Spice Girls with her red headband, and how she breaks Sam down to speechless in about two minutes.

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad that my wacky Vala fun worked for you.

[elfcat255.livejournal.com]

Oh that was perfect...I can picture that happening in my head, Vala just going gung-ho and leaving Sam all frazzled...well done!

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Sam's such a fun character to turn her world on its head. The show writers never did it enough.

[dirty-diana.livejournal.com]

Hee. Such a funny, cute moment, and I love Vala's dialogue.

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed my Vala. :)

[brilliant-lies.livejournal.com]

Ooh, delicious! This fic makes me happy. As does your icon. :)

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I love writing Vala fic.

[justhuman.livejournal.com]

I had this opened in my tabs the Night the Lights went out in LJland. Of course, I couldn't comment! But I did write them out in the moment and saved them in my gmail :-)

Amazing Vala and I loved your Sam too :-D

*I love that Vala knew that Sam was a lesbian. Although sad that Sam didn't realize this when Janet was alive...perhaps she's covering because Vala is the last person you want to give tmi

*I'm still *SQUEEing* over Teal'c owning The L Word on DVD - it's so Teal'c

*I loved that the last TV Sam knows anything about is Ross and Rachel

*I love that Daniel has porn in his VCR - funny that Vala didn't mention that it was boy on boy porn with guys with big dicks dressed painted in camo, but maybe she's saving that for a surprise.

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad to have provided entertainment during the dark times of no LJ. ;)

Thank you for all the lovely feedback.

I like the happy idea that Sam just didn't want to give tmi to Vala. :)

Teal'c totally would. Because he's awesome. And far more pop culturally literate than Sam or Daniel.

Vala's gotta save something to tell Sam once she's tied to the bed. ;)

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

This was a fun read; as ever, you have the voices down pat!

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[racethewind10.livejournal.com]

*dies* oh that was well done! The characterization was spot on!! lmao, and I LOVE the way Vala just bulldozes right through Sam's confusion

Excellent!

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I do enjoy writing Vala and her very bulldozer-like ways. :) Glad you enjoyed it.