viciouswishes | Starbuck: Making Girls Gay Since 2003

Ever since those rumors started and then the season enders of BSG, I've been thinking about fandom-at-large and its reaction to Starbuck. Mostly, the out-and-out love of Starbuck and how obsessive and hardcore her devotees are, from the ones whose episode reactions I've read to the massive amount of Starbuck-centric fics I've seen to the worshiper who has sat in my living room, having eyes for nothing else but Starbuck.

Those of you who know me, know that Starbuck is neither my favorite nor my least favorite character. She's somewhere in the middle. But I am fascinated in the trends of favorite characters and the massive followings some garner and others don't. Starbuck is particularly a fascinating one because she is a woman (albeit the original Starbuck was male) and fandom-at-large is widely known to fall head over heals for male characters, e.g. Spike, Logan, etc, not female ones. And also that she is on an ensemble show, not something called Battlestar Starbuck, and how I read multiple reviews where fans threatened to stop watching the show and/or found themselves losing interest if Starbuck were no longer going to be on it. To me, the phenomenon seemed more than just having a favorite character and wanting to have that character in every scene and continue on the show.

It dawned on me that Starbuck was, in many ways, fandom-at-large's first girlfriend. And how Starbuck's tomboyish, baby dyke charm had slipped under the "men only, please" radar and into the panties of a lot of women who label themselves as straight or questioning. Starbuck reminded me of those young queer women I know who act and look just enough like boys to bed experimenting straight women or whom are coded queer enough on the outside to be the lust objects of young queer women looking to be out and proud with their first girlfriends. (Trust me, I'll show you a picture of me at 16.) And this is what came about:

You're in love. Yes, this time it's real. This time, it's not the posters you ripped out of Teen Beat and your lovesick Mary Sue epic where your hair was shinier and your boobs were bigger. And it wasn't like how you stayed up every Friday night cursing every time that Mulder and Scully almost kissed or how you got the oh, so illicit thrill the first time you saw Brian Kinney's thong, imagining that you were the nubile, young boy in his bed.

This time, it's different.

You see her with her cropped hair and loose-fitting army pants that hug just perfectly around her ass. There's an unlit cigar in her mouth and she laughs with a big smile. She's a little loud, but that's Kara Thrace for you, her uptight and a little-too-pretty CAG tells you.

Starbuck, you mouthed. You're in love. No, you want to be her best friend, or maybe not her best friend, but at least the one she throws her arms around when she's kicked some Cylon ass. You'll at least hold her jacket as she pukes up her guts from her latest round with the boys.

She's interesting, in a way that only boys have been before. You're not gay. At least you don't think you are. If you squint in a certain light, she looks kind of like a boy, all hard-jawed and with way more arm muscles than Hot Dog.

It isn't until you're both drunk and Starbuck's kissing you on your mouth that you realize you like her. You more than like her. She ends up passed out on you bed, which is okay, because you're new at this lesbian thing and not really ready to go any further than sloppy kissing and snuggles.

Your hand runs through her hair as she starts to snore next to you. She's your girlfriend. Your real live girlfriend and you want to spend every night with her.

When you wake up the next morning, you ask her if you're dating. Just to clarify. And then you ask if you'll see her again tonight. She says, "Sure, kiddo" and pulls you closer, your breast pressing against her tightly-bound ones and kisses you. Starbuck slips in a little tongue and grabs your ass. "See you later," she shouts, heading for the showers.

True to the old joke – What does a lesbian bring on the second date? – A U-Haul and a turkey baster. Okay, the turkey baster's a joke, but you want to have children at some point and since you haven't brought up emigrating to Canada, Europe, or somewhere more gay friendly yet...

Starbuck gives you a funny look and tells you to stick your way too many bags under the bunk. She's got plans. Her plans, of course, take you to a dirty bar on Cloud Nine and you can't hold her hand in public, even though you really, really want to. You want to show that you don't care; that you're ready to shout to the world that you're a couple. But she laughs and tells you that everyone already knows. You ask her if you should cut your hair shorter and if you still have to shave your legs. Starbuck shakes her head and starts ordering drinks.

Soon enough you find yourself, a little tipsy, but heading back to her bunk. Sure, you would've like a romantic rendezvous under the observation deck, but you forget all that with Starbuck's tongue in your mouth and her hand roaming down the back of your pants.

Everything's a little fuzzy because you're been waiting so long. And you're nervous. You've never done this with a girl before. Your eyes are big like a deer in headlights when you think that she might want to fuck you with a strap-on, but then it's okay when you realize that her jackknifing in and out of you would be a welcome familiar. Not the kind of awkward backward masturbation technique you're using when she places your hand on her wet pussy.

Just when did you get naked anyway?

And then you remember that it's Starbuck. That her easy smile washes away all that. You squint and it's kind of like love as she's going down on you and you're coming and you're letting a girl eat you out.

Eventually, you fall asleep in Starbuck's arms, dreaming of that forever. Maybe tomorrow, you'll ask her how she feels about moving to Massachusetts and if she's more of a cat person or a dog person. Tomorrow, you'll call your parents and your best friend and tell them that you're in love and she's a woman and that they'll just love her. For Starbuck's your first girlfriend and the world's new and good again. You're in love.

(P.S. Always sleep with one eye open looking for a man called Ronnie Moore and also might want to beware of the other girls with the homicide/suicide gleam in their eyes that remind you a little of yourself. Don't forget about Starbuck though and how she'll find herself half-naked on top on Apollo and how you'll forgive her over and over again.) She's your first girlfriend, after all.

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The sadist in your pants, harshing your squee

Starbuck: Making Girls Gay Since 2003

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