viciouswishes: (sheppard bi)
[personal profile] viciouswishes
At the tail end of National Coming Out Day, which makes me consider that it's been 10 years since I came out of the closet.

(I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember it was mid-October when I came out/was outed due to parental snoopage to everyone in my small world at 15-years-old. Traumatic at the time, but rather farcical today. Today's a good enough day for celebration.)

For those of you who aren't clear, I'm bisexual or pansexual or whatever word means that my attractions aren't based on what's between or not between someone's legs. Of course, my sexuality is far more complex than the gender of my partners, which is why I prefer the word queer over anything else.

I'm out to everyone who matters, and everyone else can just guess at what comes out of my mouth or who I'm with. (Sometimes, I find my own sexuality's far more interesting in people's minds than reality; then other times, it's a lot more boring.) I struggle to be out and proud while having a primary male partner and not completely be enveloped by heterosexual privilege. Though being polyamorous, which I'm being more and more open about, means I do see women.

I have far too many thoughts on my own sexuality for this post. Everything from being slurred at by being called a dyke to constant annoyance at being asked when I'm getting married have ground me into the person I am today. As is my refusal to go back into the closet and all the great supportive, fun, and lovely people I've met.

Instead, I'll leave you with what novelist and comic book author Greg Rucka wrote in an introduction for a coming out story, "Ordinary people have secret identities, too."

on 2009-10-12 05:23 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
Having been involved in the coming out of a couple of friends (yes, there are stories, but they're not mine, and thus not mine to share), I think it's an experience as individual as each person who chooses (or doesn't choose) to come out. I am glad that what was traumatic for you then has become so much less so now.

And hey, labels are for soup cans. Ultimately, what you are is you.


Gabrielle

on 2009-10-26 04:59 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] viciouswishes.livejournal.com
Yes, I too am glad to be able to look back and realize the entire experience of coming out to my parents was a farcical comedy.

That's right. :D

on 2009-10-12 11:48 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com
*Hugs you* \o/

on 2009-10-26 05:01 am (UTC)

on 2009-10-12 06:41 pm (UTC)
ext_1771: Joe Flanigan looking A-Dorable. (Default)
Posted by [identity profile] monanotlisa.livejournal.com
\o/ to you!

But you know that. ;)

on 2009-10-26 05:02 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] viciouswishes.livejournal.com
And to you as well. :)

on 2009-10-12 07:05 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] seino-chan.livejournal.com
I think that last quote is the most profound explanation of the coming out process that I have ever seen.

on 2009-10-26 05:12 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] viciouswishes.livejournal.com
Rucka does do a really great job at summing up the experience. Perhaps someday we won't need secret identities.

on 2009-10-13 01:53 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] a2zmom.livejournal.com
I love that line by Rucka. So very true.

on 2009-10-26 05:12 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] viciouswishes.livejournal.com
He really nails it.

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