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[personal profile] viciouswishes
Title: Better Than a Kick in the Nuts with a Frozen Mukluk
Author: viciouswishes
For: lostakasha
Fandom: Weeds
Pairing: Andy/Abumchuk
Setting: Post-S2-ish
Rating: PG13
Words: 358
Request: Weeds: Andy/Abumchuk, frozen mukluk
Summary: Andy owns nothing but the Mukluks on his feet. Literally nothing.

Andy owns nothing but the Mukluks on his feet. Literally nothing. He's bare-assed on the streets of some town... Yellow Tree or Willow or maybe Juniper.

He reaches down and scratches his balls.

Andy's kind of glad that he doesn't remember how he got there. Until he sees a fucking van and everything comes flashing back like the bad acid trips his sixth grade health teacher warned him about.

There was him and Abumchuk. Kat long gone, thank god, to whatever planet she really lived on. There was also lots of gin and crying. Yes, crying, Andy has a distinct memory of tears running down his face and snot on Abumchuk's shoulder.

He was such a loser to be crying over Kat.

There had to have been weed. Yes, some of the finest MIF he yanked from Nancy's hidden emergency I-need-to-pay-the-electric-company stash. When would she learn that he's going to look through all her girly shit, even her dusty diaphragm case?

Andy also remembers being a lot warmer. They were indoors, in a cabin with a roaring fire. Even though it was June.

"Excuse me, sir, but where's your clothing?" a man asks Andy.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," he says. "And you're interrupting my train of thought."

"Sorry."

"You should be."

Andy remembers watching the fire dance and then somewhere between smoke and tears, he recalls kissing Abumchuk. No, he didn't kiss Abumchuck; it was the only way around. No way. The giant boundary hunter was really an asspounder.

Andy wiggles his ass. Nope, it felt okay. Definitely not like that one time with Yael and her giant... Andy shutters. Maybe Abumchuk was the lady.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you done yet?"

"No." Andy turns the guy, who's totally a Canadian cop. And when did Andy end up in Canada anyway? The army might not find him here. Either way, he's still fucked. "Listen, if you can't remember how you ended up in nothing but these fucking stupid boots-"

"Mukluks."

"What?"

"They're called mukluks."

"Mukluks. Whatever." Andy's kind of hungry and really annoyed. He holds out his hands. "Why don't you just haul me away already?" Abumchuk was definitely the lady.
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